If I am anything in this world, ANYTHING at all, I am living testament to the fact that a) life ain't easy, and b) you can come out on the other side rocking out with a margarita and still be ok. :)
I debated posting about this for a LONG time, because it is kind of personal, but in the end I decided... whoopdee freeeeakin' doo! Yes, this is my life, and this is happening to me, so why should I care who knows? I think I'm at a stage in my life where, after everything that has happened to me, I either have no shame or an incredible amount of resilence. (Or a really sweet combo of both!) And I could write a laundry list of all of the gnarly things that have happened to me over the past five years, including being held up at gunpoint in my own home and going through two breast cancer scares, but that will be for another time. (Maybe!)
Okay. Flash back with me, if you will ...
*Wayne's World 'time-travel fingers' and 'doodly-doo' noises...*
As a young gal I grew up in the middle of nowhereville. I was very naive, because nothing happened in nowhereville so there was no real reason to, you know, be worldly. So when it came time for me to move out into the world with my now-ex-boyfriend from nowhereville to Mega Urban Crazy DC Suburbs... yeah. You don't really realize HOW naive you are until you look back on yourself and see the glaring mistakes you've performed!
Long story short, now-ex and I bought a house. BIG commitment. My naive self was all, wheeee COOL, like, and stuff! Nevermind the fact that I really did not feel ready to purchase a house, and feelings for now-ex(fiance at the time) were pretty wishy-washy at the time, but he was persuasive so voila, house. (Whee, cool, like yay!, etc.)
To make another long story short, our breakup was nothing short of World War Twentyfive, and after many many issues property-wise and aside and failed sales, the house foreclosed. Like, oops! My naive self had since turned into a ball of worry and stress; the time between breakup and foreclosure had been about 2-3 years, in which I had met the amazing dude I'm with today, and moved to this lovely coastline. So that was good. And hey, the economy was (is still?) in the can, so I'm not the only one with a foreclosure on my credit report.
Often times a foreclosure doesn't mean the end. Remember those back HOA dues? Yeah, they're suing you. And that home equity loan? Oh yeah.. that's still out there. ANOTHER long story short (noting a trend here? ;), the HOA sued and settled against us for a pretty decent amount of money.
Now-ex has lots of money. I, clearly, don't. (Helloooooo full-time job? Are you out there?) He's not paying it, and there was nothing I could do, short of doing nothing and having my bank accounts seized and wages garnished. (Scared yet? Ugh, sounds yucky, right?) And that HEL could sue at any time. Dun dun dun....
So. I am filing for bankruptcy.
Yeah, you heard me. Do not pass go, do not collect ... well, you know.
And you know what??
I haven't felt more hopeful in YEARS.
Sure, bankruptcy is like the big bad, and it's got such a negative stigma around it. The ultimate "oops". And I did make a pretty big oops, so I'm owning up to it. But the feeling of relief I'll get for not having to deal with this anymore, the crap I've been dealing with for almost three years... is SO worth it. No more worry. No more being terrified of strange phone calls, or getting served court papers (THAT was an experience), or being fearful of something as mundane as checking the mail because there could be more evil notices in there... No more sleepless nights wondering what's going to happen next. A fresh start. It's so appealing and EXCITING to me to be able to leave that dreary, horrible part of my past behind.
And sure, it chews up and spits out your credit score, but I already have a foreclosure AND a settlement on there, so what's another turd in the litterbox, as I say? ;) There are a lot of myths about bankruptcy and one is that your credit will be miserable forever, and that's simply not true. I'm working with a great lawyer that makes me feel comfortable and at ease, and there are a lot of steps I'll have to take, but I'm on the road to a new start and that, more than anything, gives me such IMMENSE amounts of hope that ... yeah, it's ok. :) I've got a wonderful support network of people that are taking care of me through this, and I couldn't be more thankful.
So that's my scary story that's really not-so-scary anymore, and I'm stickin' to it! Thanks for reading guys, and thanks for hanging around. I heart you all and being able to get this off my chest is another big step I've accomplished! Now there's nothing to do but look forward.
Looking forward right now ... hmm, is that a bottle of rum on the counter...? ;) I think it is! Happy Friday y'all!! (And I promise, my next post will be MUCH more fun! ;)